When God Says No

I set a new goal this year to read all of my children’s core Language Arts texts in school.  Which led me this week to asking my son if a certain book he had just finished about an eighth grader, whose brother is dying of cancer, would make me cry.  He said, “No, he doesn’t die in the book.  You’ll be fine.” 

Boys and moms are so different.  

I found myself at midnight blurry-eyed still balling, still page-turning.  In the midst of the patient’s cancer treatment in the book, the older sibling tries to bargain with God to take away his brother’s cancer.  He prays that if he does such and such, then God will heal his brother.  And that if x, y, and z happens, then God is confirming to him the cancer will be gone.  

Those prayers ‘don’t work,’ and apparently my son didn’t read the epilogue because the cancer patient who inspired the book does die from cancer.  As do many loved ones.  

Thus, my tears.  The pain is real, the prayers are real, the bargaining with God is real for so many people in a variety of situations.  Life and death prayers bring us face to face with the questions of Who is God?  Can He and will He change my circumstances?

We all want a fool-proof way to obtain our desired outcome through prayer.  Maybe there’s a formula that works?  Maybe enough faith will guarantee healing or security?  Maybe enough generosity on our part will overwhelm God with our goodness and humility and then surely He'll answer as we desire?

There are great examples of people in the Bible who prayed fervently and then the Lord provided exactly what they prayed for.  Moses cried out to God to supply drinking water for the Israelites and God made it flow from a rock.  Elijah called down rain from heaven—and it poured.  Jesus healed multitudes.

Then there are stories of righteous followers of God who did not have their prayers answered as they wanted.  Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane prayed for the ‘cup’ (dying on the cross) to be taken from him.  Yet he still endured severe beatings and a gruesome death.  Even though Paul prayed for a ‘thorn in his side’ to be removed, he lived out his life suffering in some sort of agony.  Did these men not have enough faith?  Did they pray incorrectly?  Was God unable to answer their prayers?  

These are the questions we ask when our prayers aren’t answered in the way we hope.

But we know these men had great faith, humbly sought God, and desired God’s will above their own.  God’s will for us in a broken and sin-filled world often extends beyond our comprehension.  Unfortunately, not all prayers will be answered like we want.  

If God says ‘no’ to our prayers, does it mean He doesn’t care about us and our circumstances?  If we want to know how God responds to our suffering, then we only need to look to Jesus, who is the exact representation of the Father (Hebrews 1:3).  Whenever Jesus encountered someone in pain, he consistently showed compassion.  For example, after Jesus saw a widow whose only son had just died, “…he had compassion on her and said to her, ‘Do not weep,’” and then he raised her son to life (Luke 7:11-17).  

In another example, Mary and Martha, friends of Jesus, sent for Jesus when their brother was ill.  But Jesus delayed in coming, and their brother died.  When Jesus arrived and saw Mary and those with her weeping “…he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled” (John 11:33).  And he wept.  

How does God respond to us as we pray in our times of greatest need?  With a heart of compassion.

God lavished compassion and strength on Jesus and Paul when they prayed and yet didn’t receive the answers they requested.  When Jesus prayed for God’s will to be done in the Garden of Gethsemane, “there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him” (Luke 22:43).  Paul received reassurance from God that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (II Corinthians 12:9).  

Whether with an angel, or a word from the Lord, God strengthened these men and let them know He was with them in their time of weakness.  And He will be with us in ours.

Is there a formula for how to pray?  

Did the eighth grade boy in the book use the wrong words when he prayed and that's why his brother wasn't healed?  He's not the only one to try bargaining with God.  Abraham bargained with God when he was concerned about a loved one (Genesis 18).  The Bible is full of different types of prayers.  What about if-then testing prayers?  Gideon wrote the book on them (Judges 6).  And these men stand out as examples of faith in Hebrews 11.  

God knows the heart of all who pray.  If anything, at least part of a formula for prayer is this:   God works on behalf of those who love Him and humbly seek Him in faith according to His perfect will.

How will we respond, though, if we don’t get what we pray for?  Will we still trust and follow God?  When Daniel’s friends were about to be thrown into the fiery furnace, they reasoned, “our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up” (Daniel 3:17-18).  

Does that represent our hearts?  

Would we willingly walk the path of suffering if that is where God is leading us?  

I’ll always cry when I think about children dying of cancer and losing loved ones way too early.  But I take comfort in knowing that my compassion pales in comparison to God’s.  Jesus wept with mourners.  His heart ached with the death of loved ones.  In fact, the description we have of the future beyond the grave is one where “[God] will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelations 21:4).

As we humbly seek God in prayer, God may not give us the answer we want.  

However, like those in the Bible, we will likely experience His compassion, strength and grace in unimaginable ways.